Eliminating Deadwood: Exercise 2
One step in
the editing process is to eliminate redundancy, or “deadwood.” Two ways to
achieve more concise paragraphs are shown below.
Wordy: Mumps is a
common childhood disease. Measles is a common childhood disease.
and measles are common childhood diseases.
scientist gave an explanation of how ice melts.
Concise: The scientist explained how ice
Exercise: Use the frame to rewrite the paragraph so that it is more concise. When you are finished, send this page to your teacher.
In the year 1911, there was a scientist from New
Zealand. His name was Ernest Rutherford. Ernest Rutherford had a theory that
most of an atom’s mass exists in the nucleus. Furthermore, Ernest Rutherford,
in addition, believed that all of an atom’s positive charge exists in the
nucleus. His experiment proved his theory. His experiment also proved his
hypothesis that most of the total volume of an atom is empty space.