Eliminating Deadwood: Exercise 1
Beginning writers often repeat unnecessary words. However, redundancy can annoy readers.
Wordy: Dr. Fathiya, who is
one of the most famous and well-known doctors in Oman, is a doctor who has
carried out research on diseases such as cancer and diabetes. (Famous
and well-known are redundant, as are doctor and physician.)
Concise: Dr. Fathiya, one of the most famous
doctors in Oman, has carried out research on diseases such as cancer and
One step in the
editing process is to eliminate redundancy. Three ways to achieve more concise
paragraphs are shown below.
Wordy: Mumps is a
common childhood disease as is the disease measles.
is a common childhood disease as is measles.
2. Substitute a
Wordy: Dr. Hamed
is a pediatrician. My brother is one of Dr. Hamedís patients.
Concise: Dr. Hamed is a pediatrician. My
brother is one of his patients.
Wordy: The nucleus
is the information center of a cell. It consists of two major parts.
Concise: The nucleus, the information center
of a cell, consists of two major parts.
Exercise: Use the frame to rewrite the paragraph so that it is more concise. When you are finished, send this page to your teacher.
Chemistry, which is when scientists study the
properties of materials and which also includes the study of the changes that
materials undergo, is important in peopleís everyday lives each day. In other
words, the science of chemistry helps to explain and to give an explanation of
why ice thaws and melts. In addition, it also describes how a battery generates
and creates electricity. It even tells us why turn a different color so that
they change to a different hue in the autumn.